When my son was about 3 or 4 years old, I would bend down to talk to him. My face would be close to his, and he would look into my eyes as I spoke. I never yelled at my children, so my voice was calm. But even then, I knew Steve didn’t really “hear” me. He could hear my voice and look at me, but he wasn’t connecting with what I was saying in his mind.
I understood that. I knew inside that little brain of his was a very smart and creative child. He showed his talents in amazing ways. I understood him better than anyone else did, and that’s why he always wanted to be with me. He felt safe with me.
None of his teachers understood that he was really very bright, even though he wasn’t doing well in school. They thought he was working at his level, but they were wrong.
One summer, I signed him up for a class for gifted children at a local university. He had to take a test to get in. He scored well above the cutoff, and he loved the class.
That fall, his teacher told me she thought the university had changed the test results to get more students. That’s the attitude we were dealing with.
In this picture, Steve is about three years old. He often looked sad because the world was confusing to him.
It wasn’t until Steve grew up that we found out he had high-functioning autism. With the right medication and therapy, he’s doing really well now. He has a great job, makes good money, and is very creative.
If I could change anything, what advice would I give myself? I wish I had homeschooled Steve. I would have let him learn at his own pace, which was faster than what he could do in school. The noise and social pressure in school made it hard for him to learn. I would have given him the breaks he needed.
Kids with high-functioning autism often struggle with social interaction. It’s so hard for them that it can make it difficult for them to focus and learn when they’re around other people. Homeschooling could have helped with that.
Our house was quiet, and Steve needed a quiet place with few distractions. I could have given him that. There are many ways for homeschooled kids to meet other children, but I could have kept an eye on it until he was ready to handle it himself.
This was in the 70s and early 80s, and they didn’t have special programs for kids with autism. So, yes, that’s what I would have told my younger self.